Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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