Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
