you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
