Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
