Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
