How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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