Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
