he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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