paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
