She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
