theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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