I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
