Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
