and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
