mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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