My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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