just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
