bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
