Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
