There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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