he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
