Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
