Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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