just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
