Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Green mimosas i think yes
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I deserve this hangover.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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