I'm passing your future prison.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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