He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
