My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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