Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
