Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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