thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And then the night went full on bisexual.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
