The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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