Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
