Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
