when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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