I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.