happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.