3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*