AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi