did you get engaged???
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
3 2 1 whiskey
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.