bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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