dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
