someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
