I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
