A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
