South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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