Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
