I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
