Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
