just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
