I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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