You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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