Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
