too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
