As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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