Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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