My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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