i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
