also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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