Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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