umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
