You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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