If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
