woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
