Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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